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Maxflackreport.com God and Bugs Bunny
Ms Nancy Navarro is a graduate of the University of Missouri at Columbus; Ms Shirley Brandman is a graduate of Yale
College and Yale Law School; Dr. Judy Docca is a graduate of Pennsylvania State University; Mrs. Patricia O'Neill is a graduate
of Southern Methodist University; Stephen Abrams is a graduate of the Wharton School of Finance and Commerce at the University
of Pennsylvania; Christopher Barclay is a graduate of Columbia College in Chicago; and Mrs. Sharon Cox is a graduate of Towson
State College. Yale, Southern Methodist, Towson State, what do the members of this eclectic group have in common-aside from
membership in the Al Gore Flat Earth Society? Well, let's see-they are college graduates and most of them have children. That
was easy. We will need a bit more. Okay, they have a decided tendency toward liberalism, are active in community affairs,
none have ever been indicted for a chainsaw massacre, and, oh, yeah, they are all members of the Montgomery County Public
School Board of Education, Rockville, Maryland. Jeb Stuart rode thorough Rockville in June of 1863 on his
way to join Bobby Lee and the Army of Northern Virginia. He received an enthusiastic welcome, dined at the very best homes
and captured a wagon train. Jeb was a graduate of the West Point Military Academy and with his knowledge of genetics-he was
a first-class horseman-he would have been a natural for a spot on the Montgomery County Board of Education. Jeb didn't know
anymore about psychology and biology and genetics-or sexual orientation, for that matter-than Cosmo Kramer or Granny Clampett,
but he could have issued the same Flat Earth statements on homosexuality the Montgomery School Board did. This
is what the Board said: "Psychology has decreed homosexuality is genetic." That's right-psychology, not Cosmo Kramer,
has decreed homosexuality is genetic! "Gays and lesbians are born that way and can do nothing about it." "Sexual
orientation cannot be changed." "Sexual orientation is innate from birth." Flat Earth or Brave New World? It
doesn't matter. It's the lack of thought that counts. It was an easy step from accepting the ‘new psychology' to making
changes in the school district's sex education curriculum. Students in the tenth grade will be asked-in fact, they have already
been asked in pilot programs-to read and analyze ‘coming out' stories. It's part of the Board's Brave New World
sex education program. Next year it will be bestiality and foot fetishes. Have there been protests? Yes. Did the Board expect
protests? Yes. That's why-whenever possible-school boards work in the dead of night. Citizens for a Responsible
Curriculum took up the cudgel. They had clashed with the Board previously so had some inkling of what was coming. Parents,
they said, "are the ultimate authority to guide the moral direction of their children without interference by an increasingly
activist school system." They were not alone. Parents and Friends of Ex-Gays and Gays protested the
new curriculum. "According to the American Psychiatrist Association there are no replicated scientific studies supporting
any specific biological cause for homosexuality," they said. (The Board must have used that old Ferris Bueller Study) Nature
or nurture-that is the question. Is it psychological, biological, sociological, neurological or environmental? Or is it just
plain sin? That's what the late Jerry Falwell believed. "Remember," said Falwell, "homosexuals do not reproduce.
They recruit! And many of them are out after my children and your children." As if Darth Vader wasn't enough to worry
about! Is there a conspiracy to promote a gay and lesbian agenda in the American school system? No, it's
too obvious to be called a conspiracy. In How America Went Gay, Dr. Charles Socarides, clinical
professor of psychology at Albert Einstein College of Medicine explained how gay activists and their running dogs in the liberal
media had bludgeoned his profession into silence. "Excuse me," he wrote. "Gay is not good. Gay is not decidedly
free. How do I know this? For more than 40 years, I have been in solidarity with hundreds of homosexuals, my patients, and
I have spent most of my professional life engaged in exercising a kind of "pastoral care" on their behalf. But I
do not help them by telling them they are O. K. when they are not O. K. Nor do I endorse their "new claim" to self-defense
and self-respect." Dr. Socarides is worth reading. What does the Bible say? It says a lot. The following is a maxflackian translation of
what the Bible says-some liberties have been taken to protect the innocent, but it can be printed and framed and hung over
the fireplace. In the beginning God created heaven and earth-that's right, heaven and earth; there was
no Hell because there was no one to put there. But things were boring with just heaven and earth so God created animals-little
furry things, large slithering things, things that dug holes in the earth. They were a lot of fun and after a while there
were more animals than God could keep track of. He thought of giving them numbers. But there was one little animal that didn't
seem to know his place; his mission; his reason for existence, his raison d'etre. He was mischievous; he was smart-alecky;
he ate updock. He was an embarrassment. Something had to be done. Now this was in the days before the Apostles so God had
to take care of it Himself, but He had a lot of time on His hands. Sure, he had created the Super Bowl but there weren't any
people yet. To prepare Himself for the confrontation, God practiced His scowl in front of a mirror. He
would have to get it just right-He didn't want to frighten the little rascal like He had frightened the dinosaurs. Poor brutes!
A sad fate-but they had become a nuisance. God could have sent for the rascal but He decided to make a house call. Interstellar
flight was no problem with God and in a moment He was standing before Warren Number Eight, B. Bunny. "Bugs!"
said God. "Eh, what's up, God?" asked B. Bunny. "Bugs," said God,
"it has come to my attention that you are not performing your duties as an Animalia, Chordata, Mammalia, Lagomorpha,
Leporidae, Sylvilagus." "Eh?" "You didn't understand a word I said,
did you, Bugs?" "No, God." "What do you do all day, Bugs?" "Eh,
I eat updock and drive Elmer Fudd crazy." "That is all well and good, but do you know what you
are supposed to do?" "Eat updock and drive Elmer Fudd crazy?" "No,
no, no, Bugs. A rabbit's number one job is to make more rabbits You see, if I have to keep making rabbits I will be so busy
I won't have time to enjoy heaven and earth and I may have to create a place to put things that irritate me-like Hell." "Gosh!
I wouldn't want you to do that, God. What can I do?" "You must make more rabbits, Bugs. You must
reproduce. If you do not reproduce you will be an aberration-something that does not reproduce. You don't want to be an aberration,
do you, Bugs?" "Oh, no, God!" said Bugs. "I don't want to be an aberration." "Then
go ye forth and multiply," said God. So Bugs went forth and multiplied and now there are more rabbits
than Uncle Jed and Jethro can shoot in a month of Sundays. Bugs did his duty, God was pleased, and the Clampetts enjoy rabbit
stew every Tuesday night. Biological, sociological, neurological, psychological, environmental-it doesn't
matter. Homosexuality is an aberration. Vote it up; vote it down; teach it as a positive good; teach it as an unmitigated
evil-it doesn't matter. It is an aberration. It's not normal and all the pseudo-scientists in the Al Gore Flat Earth Academy
cannot make it so. How would the members of the Montgomery County Public School Board of Education like
it if some organization said school board members are born with a specific mindset and can do nothing about it, that their
orientation cannot be changed, is innate from birth and they will have to read and analyze "conscience of a conservative"
stories before they can qualify for board membership? Lesson Number One: Ann Coulter, Lesson Number Two: Pat Buchanan. No
barfing, please... Reza Aslan
WHOSE GOD IS DEAD? REZA ASLAN'S?
"Thoughtful! Careful! A gripping narrative! A literate accessible introduction to Islam! Complete with glossary and annotated bibliography! An impassioned plea for an Islamic form of democracy! A new chapter in the story of Islam!"
The book: No god But God-The Origins, Evolutions and Future of Islam" by Reza Aslan.
The reviewer: William Grimes for The New York Times.
But wait, Grimes isn't finished. A parting shot: "A work that could easily serve as a college textbook."
A college textbook! Oh, no! Not another exercise in religion as literature the professorial KKK (Kustodians of all Kultural Knowledge) can stuff down Joe College's throat! File this one with the works of Noam Chomsky, John Esposito, Robert Jensen, Ward Churchill and Kirkpatrick Sale and hope it never sees the light of day.
Okay, but just in case it does make the college must read scene, what is the book about?
It's about religion and it's a groundbreaker. The advance PR says it's gripping; impassioned. If that is so how come the author doesn't address the great ecumenical questions of the day: Whose God is dead and how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Walt Kelly wrestled with those great ecumenical questions and was a better person for it and so did George Costanza when he tried to join the Latvian Orthodox Church, but nothing could make George a better person though the Lord knows he tried.
After years of study Kelly discovered the secret of religion deep in the Okefenokee. "First you builds a church and then you finds a God that fits it," he wrote. It's what Mohammed did. But what did Walt Kelly know? He wasn't a man of the cloth. He liked to draw funny animals that smoked cigars, loafed around all day, and spoke in italics. But Kelly was sneaky smart.
If Reza had read Walt Kelly, if he had spent a few minutes inside the head of Pogo Possum, he would have realized that he, Reza, was his own worst enemy-in a sense, his own altered-ego-and he wouldn't have written a lot of silly things like he did in his book. For instance: "What is taking place now in the Muslim world is an internal conflict between Muslims. The West is a bystander-an unwary yet complicit casualty of the rivalry raging in Islam over who will write the next chapter in its story."
If there is a conflict raging in Islam it's like the one that raged between Martin Bormann and Heinrich Himmler to see who would succeed Das Fuhrer; like the one that raged between Robespierre and those he sent to the guillotine. It's Gog versus Magog, Godzilla versus King Kong: the Frankenstein monster versus the Wolf Man. Maybe they will destroy each other.
But "The West is a bystander" is scary stuff. And Reza believes it. As far as Islam is concerned the West doesn't count for anything-it never has and it never will. There is no god, but Allah and Mohammed is His Prophet. Oh, sure, the West might be full of People of the Book-Christians and Jews-but in the general scheme of things they are no more important than the slaves who picked Jeff Davis' cotton or who mended Scarlet O'Hara's pantaloons. And unless the dhimmis come to their senses and convert to Islam they might well wish they were working for Old Jeff.
Qur'an: 5:51 "Believers, take neither Jews nor Christians to be your friends."
Qur'an: 5:74 "Whoever of you seeks their friendship shall become one of their number, and God does not guide wrongdoers."
Who will save the bystanders? Saladin? Ibrahim Hooper? John Esposito? Will it be Islam's silent majority-the thousands of Muslims that didn't celebrate in the streets after 9/11? That's right, says Reza. It will be Islam's silent majority!
Has Reza been reading the Nixon tapes? Did the ghost of John Erlichman whisper something in his ear? The silent majority-Islam's moderate silent majority!
Reza wrote, "The fact is that the vast majority of the more than one billion Muslims in the world readily accept the fundamental principles of democracy."
If David Duke had written the exact same line about the Klan and Louis Farrakhan had scribbled out the same nonsense about the Black Muslims, and Moe had set his signature to a treatise proclaiming The Three Stooges' dedication to the principles of non-violent democracy, no one would believe them-not for a second. Should anyone believe Reza? Would Harry Truman believe Reza? Had to show Harry. Unfortunately, people who don't know any better, and many who should know better, will, for a variety of reasons, believe Mr. Aslan: some because of cowardice, some because of hatred of the United States, will lap of everything he writes.
What are the fundamental principles of democracy and where does Islam's silent majority stand in relation to them? A short list: (A) Religion...There will be plenty of religion. .One can be a Suni, A Shia, a Sufi, or preferably, a Wahabb. There will be no force in religion. (B) Freedom (of Speech, Press and Assembly)...If Aisha or Britney don't want to wear a hijab, they can stay in the house. (C) Justice...There will be justice...above all there will be justice...with an unrestricted right of return and an end to Zionist exploitation. (D) Human Rights...There will be more Human Rights than Muhammed ever dreamed of! More than Allah ever foretold! Human Rights will drip from the trees! And every martyr will have 74 not 72 virgins waiting for him in Allah's Great Whorehouse in the Sky!
Has anybody heard this story before?
Once upon a time a smart fellow named Ralph Waldo Emerson said that if he wanted to be a good Christian he would have to leave the Church. If Reza wants to be a good Muslim he will have to leave Islam. DePaul's Mad Blue Demons
Dumbleton down
You tell ‘em, Dr. Dumbleton. "No student anywhere should ever have to be concerned that they will be verbally attacked for their religious belief or ethnicity."
Everyone remembers how broken-hearted poor Jethro Bodine was when he came home from his first day in the 6th grade at Oxford Grammar. It was bad enough to be called a hillbilly and a redneck but when the school linguists accused Granny Clampett of wearing combat boots that was going too far. So what if Granny wore boots like the ones Clint Eastwood wore in Korea, they didn't have to say so. And they wrecked Jethro's Three Stooges lunch bucket by repeatedly slamming their heads against it. They also went bobbing for fresh seafood in Jethro's crawdad bucket; dented that too. Jethro was disconsolate for days. It was months before the school authorities could get up the nerve to let Jethro back in school.
Dr. Susanne Dumbleton would never have tolerated such foolishness. She would have leapt to Jethro's side in an instant. Susanne is dean of the School of New Learning at DePaul University, the home of the famous Blue Demon basketball team, and when she heard what Professor Thomas Klocek did to those poor Palestinian kids at a Student's Activities Fair last September, she blew her stack. She went after that rascal like a chicken after a June bug, like Big Brother after Winston Smith, like Uncle Joe after a starving kulak That kind of thing had to be nipped in the bud. DePaul's PC Code had to be upheld. And there was no time to waste-no time for such silly nonsense as a hearing. And Klocek didn't get one; he was suspended with pay.
And what heinous PC crime did Klocek commit? It seems that a student organization, Students for Justice in Palestine (SJP), had set up a table at the Activities Fair. They were dispensing literature calling for divestment from Israel and an end to apartheid and repression. Apartheid and repression are bad. Everyone will agree with that. It's what happened to Jethro at Oxford Grammar. He was being oppressed and apartheid. But the SJP doesn't give a hang about people like Jethro or the many victims of apartheid and oppression suffering under the yoke of their co-religionists in the Gaza Strip, Iran, and Saudi Arabia. They were after Ariel Sharon and his running dog, George W. Bush.
Klocek engaged them in an innocent conversation. One student, who appears to have spent more time in a Madrassas school than in DePaul's classrooms, said Sharon's treatment of Palestinians was like Hitler's treatment of the Jews. Obviously, Mohammed-we'll call him Mohammed; Moe could be considered insulting if not a gross violation of sections A, B and C of the PC Code-anyway, Mohammed is not a student of History or a future candidate for the Albert Einstein chair of Mathematics at al-Azhar University. And he's not an honor student because an honor student wouldn't go around spreading lies. Now Mohammed may have read Noam Chomsky and The Protocols of the Elders of Zion-the latter still a hot seller in the dar al-Islam-but educated, he is not. It's a wonder he didn't slam his head into Klocek's lunch bucket. That's what happened at Oxford Grammar. But Klocek wasn't armed. He didn't have a lunch bucket or a crawdad bucket, he didn't do anything; he made a mistake-that was all. He publicly disagreed with a member of one of DePaul's protected species-an Islamo-fascist.
The Rev. Dennis Holtschneider, DePaul's eleventh president and an ardent supporter of neo-Nazi Holocaust denier, Norman Finklestein, was so upset he just had to put pen to paper. Holtschneider wrote a letter to the Denver Rocky Mountain News. "Klocek acted in a belligerent and menacing manner toward students who were passing out literature," he wrote. "He (Klocek) raised his voice, threw pamphlets at students, pointed his finger in their faces...DePaul offered to give Klocek a spring quarter assignment if he met with the students to apologize...He refused."
Jethro also refused to apologize. Three Stooges lunch buckets are almost as rare as anatomically correct Shirley Temple dolls though not as highly prized. Should Klocek have apologized to DePaul's teacher's pets? No. No one should apologize for protesting the distribution of hate literature. Klocek denies shouting, throwing paper or making obscene gestures. He denies calling anybody names. And without a hearing no one will ever know. Maybe Holtschneider couldn't find enough kangaroos for a summary court of justice on short notice.
Obviously, Mohammed and his pals were not accustomed to a non-Muslim addressing them in a non-deferential tone. The spineless bowing and scraping, the supine acceptance of Islam as a religion of peace and tolerance, the abject surrender to the most trivial and frivolous demands of groups like SJP by hundreds of university administrators just like Dumbleton and Holtschneider at De Paul have given Muslim students the wrong impression of Yankee Doodle and G.I. Joe. The Cump Shermans and Alvin Yorks preserve freedom by winning wars in the face of incredible adversity; the Dumbletons and Holtschneiders lead disastrous retreats into slavery and dhimmitude. They are Internationalists, they are Europeans; they are not Americans.
Maybe Uncle Jed should have sent Jethro to DePaul instead of to Oxford Grammar-there's not much difference in the intellectual atmosphere and the kids would be more Jethro's size. Naw-sooner or later Granny would hear about those nasty Blue Demons and would descend on the campus with a hickory switch. Eventually, she would get to the source of the problem-Dumbleton and Holtschneider.
Anyway, Klocek is suing DePaul and Holtschneider has invited Ward Churchill to lecture at the university. Well, as long as Chief Standing Crap doesn't attack someone because of his or her religious beliefs or ethnicity it should be all right.
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Didn't Churchill refer to the victims of 9/11 as little Ecihmanns? And isn't he a fake Indian and a plagiarist? And hasn't he raised his voice, thrown things around and shook his fist in people's faces? Well, yeah, but he was just expressing his religious beliefs and his ethnicity; Klocek was attacking people.
Anyone who can understand that has a good chance of becoming DePaul's twelfth president.
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