Once upon a time Pa Kettle sauntered down to Hickory Corners to watch a cross burning. Pa was something of an amiable type—a cross between Casper Milktoast and Harry Tremblechin. He had never looked a gift horse in the mouth, and every time he came across a sleeping dog, he never reached down to scratch its ears or tie a tin can to its tail. He always let sleeping dogs lie. He could dive into a swimming pool and land on his belly and not make a splash. That’s the kind of guy he was.

But curiosity got the better of him one day, and so he sauntered down to Hickory Corners to watch a cross burning. A lot of his neighbors were there—Faulkner and Abner, Steinbeck and Gomer, Tolstoy and Goober. Some were wearing their Klan robes. Skeeter’s sheet looked like it hadn’t been washed in years. Of course, the same could have been said of Skeeter.

Pa noticed that there weren’t any women around. It would be a night out with the boys.

Well, they raised the cross and everybody sure got excited. But before they went to burning, the Imperial Wizard got up on a stump to speak a few words—and what words! Now Pa didn’t agree with hardly anything the Wizard said. It was mostly about the Jews and how they was taking over the world, and about the Negroes who was aching to fornicate with the Wizard’s daughters, and how the Catholics were going to make the Pope president and put a confessional in Sam Drucker’s store. The tirade went on and on, and the more the people screamed and shouted, the more logical the Wizard’s arguments seemed to Pa.

And then the cross was lit, and a frenzy commenced such as Pa had never seen. He jumped up and down and shouted with the rest of them. He said things he had never said before.

And then a cold steely hand dug into his shoulder and when he looked behind him he saw his better half.

“Pa Kettle—what the Sam Hill are you doing here with these people?” thundered Ma Kettle. “You get your butt home and if I ever hear of you attending another one of these things all of Donald Trump’s money won’t be able to put you back together again!”

Well, Pa Kettle went home, and he never sauntered down to Hickory Corners for another cross burning, and he was a better person for it. Besides—he just couldn’t resist Ma when she was in one of her Marjorie Main moods.

Lucifer “Pappy” Yokum had a similar experience. Romeo Scraggs was in jail and the decent folks in Dogpatch County were organizing a necktie party—tar-and-feathering having been outlawed because of the feather shortage. Pappy was not a John Wayne type—discretion, not valor, was his main characteristic. There were a lot of folks just like him in Dogpatch County, and most of them had grievances against Romeo Scraggs. So when Big Barnsmell and Little Barnsmell produced a length of rope and a couple of jugs of Kickapoo Joy Juice everything was set.

The combination of revenge and a good night’s entertainment was too much for Lucifer to resist. He took a look around, saw there were no ladies present who might take the fun out of it, and he joined the mob.

Oh, how Lucifer enjoyed himself—slinging clods at the jailhouse, screeching epithets; kicking up his heels between swigs at a demijohn of Kickapoo Joy Juice. And then the terrified jailer delivered Romeo Scraggs to the mob.

It was at that moment that Lucifer “Pappy” Yokum felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around. It was Pansy Yokum, his better half.

“Ah expects to see yo’ in the woodshed when Ah gets back,” said Pansy.

Needless to say, there was no lynching in Dogpatch that night though there was a hiding in the Yokum woodshed. Pappy was a better man for it—if one is willing to use the word man when describing Pappy Yokum.

When men get together and exclude women it often leads to no good. How many of those rascals at the Hickory Corners cross burning or in the street in front of the Dogpatch Jailhouse would have showed up if they had had to bring their wives and sweethearts along? Not many, one would hope, though in some instances women can outdo men in pure nastiness.

Split a mob fifty-fifty between men and women and it becomes far less frightening. There is a direct correlation between the percentage of women in a given group and its propensity for violence.

Which brings us to Islam. Where are the women? Are they hiding in the mosques? Don’t they have any decent clothes to wear?

Sure, sure, the Qur’an says women are like domestic animals, but if Jed Clampett could take Old Duke with him wherever he went and Muslim women are the equals of dogs, it would seem Habib or Abdul might drag his better half along with him once and a while. Certainly one or two woman might have been glimpsed in those disgusting mobs that rampaged in front of the US Embassies in Egypt and Libya last week. Women often rode with the Comanche on their raids so why not Fatima and Fatma with Habib and Adbul? Woman can be just as good at hurling firebrands as men. And they screech better. Yet in all the tumult caught on film not one of the furor barbaricus was a woman. How could that be? Was it trick photography? Where were they? It’s an interesting question. It’s one Code Pink or NOW never asks.

There are hundreds of thousand of Muslim women living in Cairo. What were they doing during the disturbances? Were they attending the local PTA meeting? Were they knitting socks for al-Qaeda? Were they hand-washing their husband’s prayer rugs? Were they writing letters to al-Jezeera condemning the Great Satan?  

Jefferson Davis often showed up in public with his slaves. He didn’t feel embarrassed to have them around. A Muslim woman is certainly the equal of, say—John C. Calhoun’s cook, isn’t she?

Why no women? Are Muslim men afraid that the slightest exposure of their system to the non-slaveholding world will bring the crimes they have been engaged in for the past 1,400 years tumbling down on their heads?

Wafa Sultan and Ayaan Hirsi Ali terrify them. They are free Muslim women and speak their minds. The only reason they have not been killed is because the price would be too high. Andrew Jackson and William Tecumseh Sherman still have many admirers in the Western World and they would never let it pass. Tom Tancredo could replace Barack Obama as President. But given the spinelessness of American’s post-Viet Nam generation the murder of an Ambassador, of a Richard Pearl, of a Theo van Gogh is tolerable. Obama as President is no better than Jimmy Carter, no better than James Buchanan, worse than Richard Nixon.

But there is hope. No decent, law-abiding, red-blooded, non-gay American male would want to go into a restaurant or a tavern or attend a sporting event where there were no women. The level of stupidity would be too great, the potential for violence too likely.

No American would buy an eight cylinder Roadster and remove four cylinders. No American would create a religion that enslaved one half of its congregation and turned the other half into sexist, chauvinist, homophobic pigs. But that is what Mohammed did. Is it any wonder that Islam didn’t invent the Roadster or the telephoto lens or the muumuu that converts into a bikini? No. The only thing Islam has created is woe and tribulation.

What Islam needs is a hundred thousand Mammy Yokums, a hundred thousand Ma Kettles and a half-billion Rockettes lined up behind the fools in the mosques, those with their heads on the floor and their butts in the air—perfect for “One, two, three, kick!” Would Code Pink and NOW concede the utility of such an action? Or are they as much the enemy of sexual freedom as Mohammed and Yaser Abdel Said and the Imam that has set up shop next door to preach his Neolithic religion to passerby.  Don’t ask.

The World Trade Center was the Fort Sumter of the 21^st Century and if the Border States—England, Canada and Australia—refuse to lend a helping hand they will go down with Islam and good riddance.  France and Germany are beginning to stir and they are going to need help. Obama will not do.

Muslim men are the poor white trash of Islam; the Prophet gained their allegiance by giving them dominion over women on earth and the promise of a Playboy Mansion in the hereafter. Fools…Fools…Fools…

Doctor Faustus made a better deal with the Devil. As Abraham Lincoln said, “a country cannot exist half free and half slave.” And neither can the world. A blow must be struck for freedom and it must be struck now. Resist the imposition of Sharia Law in the United States. Insist that Muslim children visit synagogues and Christian churches and hold classes in Christianity and Judaism in their Madrassas—taught, of course, by competent Christians and not by toadies and lickspittles like John Esposito and Robert Edgar.

A start must be made somewhere. Abraham Lincoln opposed the extension of slavery into the Territories; Obama should oppose the extension of slavery into the dar al Harb, the United States—he hasn’t.

10 Most Famous Americans Ever!

Secularism, Hypocrisy, Stupidity, Marxism--

and racism in Academia

Starting with Columbus and ending with Sam Wineburg, who were the ten most famous Americans ever…

Martin Luther King is the most famous American ever…of course, that’s not counting Presidents and First Ladies—there was Martha Washington and Dolly Madison who had a cupcake named after her and, of course, Hillary Clinton. Rosa Parks is second. Rosa Parks? Second? Are they sure? What about Barry Bonds and A-Rod? They are light years ahead of Rosa Parks in the famous business.

Benjamin Franklin is fifth and Amelia Earhart is sixth? Can go along with Old Ben in fifth, but Earhart—the George Costanza of trans-Pacific flight? What happened to Lucky Lindy and Orville and Wilbur? Just how did the perps arrive at this list? Yes, perps! Well, it wasn’t easy—it was years in the making, but it was the list they wanted.

It wasn’t easy—it takes years of indoctrination. How else could four of the first ten be African-Americans and six of them women? Oprah Winfrey was seventh, mind you, and Marilyn Monroe was eighth! Marilyn Monroe! Come on, even Potsy Weber and Ralph Malph wouldn’t have listed Marilyn Monroe! The fix must have been in.

Sam Wineburg, an Education and History Professor (By Courtesy) at Stanford University, organized the study. Wineburg said the prominence of black Americans signals “a profound change in how we see history. We’re having a revolution in the people who we come to think about to represent the American story.”

“In its deepest forms, historical thinking is neither a natural process nor something that springs automatically from psychological development,” writes Wineburg. “Its achievement goes against the grain of how we ordinarily think, one of the reasons why it is much easier to learn names, dates and stories than it is to change the fundamental mental structures we use to grasp the meaning of the past.”

It is much easier to learn names—so the names of King, Parks and Tubman are ground into the heads of students; Columbus and Custer are anathematized and Cump Sherman, Blackjack Pershing and hundreds of meritorious others are buried under a barrage of cultural diversity, bordering on insipidity, awash with lies and misrepresentations and fringed all about with hatred. Frederick Douglass stands head and shoulders over Parks and Tubman and he didn’t make the list. The same could be said for William Lloyd Garrison and Stephen F. Austin.

It is easier to learn dates and stories. Yes, it is—how the whites enslaved millions of Africans, stole all the land from the Indians and gobbled up Texas and California, the only parts of Mexico still worth anything to this day. These facts are drummed into the heads of dummied-down students. It passes for history. Forget what happened at Carpenter’s Hall, at Iwo, at Bellou Wood—they were of no account; women and minorities were not allowed to participate, they must be forgotten.  

It is to change the fundamental structure we use to grasp the meaning of the past. Orwell would have called it New Think. The object is to consign the white heterosexual Christian male and his heresies—Capitalism, democracy and freedom—to the dustbin of history.

Wineburg studied at Brown University, has a degree in the History of Religion from Berkeley, and a Ph d in Psychological Studies in Education at Stanford. Well, good grief, couldn’t he have studied something useful—like the Peloponnesian Wars or the Camp Town Races? Does everybody have to be an egghead? Religion? Psychology? Wouldn’t it have been better if he had taken a few courses at West Point or the Army Command and General Staff College at Fort Leavenworth? And if not up to that, maybe a PT Class at Camp Swampy with Beetle and the boys.

“History educates in the deepest sense,” writes Wineburg. “Of the subjects in the secular curriculum it does best in teaching those virtues once reserved for theology—the virtue of humility, in the face of our limits to know; and the virtue of awe, in the face of the expanse of human history.” 

Awe is good; humility is better. Saint Augustine said, “Humility is the foundation of all the other virtues hence, in the soul in which this virtue does not exist there cannot be any other virtue except in mere appearance.”

Fifty years ago most of the racists, bigots, sexists and anti-Semites in the United States were white males. That is no longer true. There has been a sea change—a thermal inversion. Thanks to secular progressives, to liberals, to the Democratic Party, to professors like Wineburg, the Kustodians of all Kultural Knowledge, and their incessant attacks on America, capitalism, on anybody who might believe in God, conjoined with an incredible ability to see good in evil and evil in good, and a constant lining up on the side of America’s enemies, most of the racists, bigots, sexists and anti-Semites in the United States today are women and/or members of minority groups.

There is little humility on the left, but that doesn’t matter because Lenin considered all Marxists to be virtuous and where the Kustodians leave off Marxism begins.

The Street Preacher's Lament

         "You should take your example from the way Muslim women dress"

The trouble with street preachers is they got too much time on their hands. Maybe it they had jobs, something to occupy their time from sunup to sundown they wouldn't say the stupid things they do.      

Take Al-Haashim Kamena Atangana, a recent convert to Islam. He doesn't have a mosque or a soapbox of any kind-he's just getting started in the business. He has no regular audience to hang on his every word. It's tough getting the recognition he expects. Maybe the Saudis could build him a Little Mosque on the Praire or he could ask Justin Elliott, the great Canadian Liberal blogger, to take up a collection, buy him a tent or something so he wouldn't have to stand out in the hot sun all day. Old Sol can do strange things to a man's mind when it is stuffed full of Islam.

And watching all those women go by in their short skirts and low-cut blouses; it can be debilitating. Just look at all those bare arms-and those bare legs! Is there no end to them?

It isn't something a good Muslim should have to face day after day. It could harden his arteries; set fire to his Qur'an; turn him into a slack-jawed ectomorph, a pre-Kuffar pig; make him forget whom he was.

If this terrific sexual assault on his senses should continue for an extended period the shock could drain him of his manhood. It might even cause him to faint! He could collapse on the street like a common vagrant! Oh, would that have been a scene!

Christ suffered less in the garden at Gethsemane than Al-Haashim has suffered in the streets of Toronto.

What was Al-Haashim to do? How was he to survive the temptations of Toronto's mean streets? The naked bodies-the painted ladies...

Well, he did what any good Muslim would have done-he sought solace in the Qur'an. All he would ever need to know about life, about women, about uncovered meat was written in the Muslim Holy Book.

Qur'an 24:31 "Say to the believing women that they should lower their gaze and guard their modesty; that they should not display their beauty except what (must) appear; that they should draw their veils over their bosoms and not display them except to their husbands..."

Yes, that was it! It was so simple! But he could not keep the words of Allah as told to the Prophet to himself. He was surrounded by a forest of Bs and Bs, of Ts and As. Even the bag ladies seemed threatening. He must strike a blow for the freedom of all women.

So he sent an Email to the Toronto Sun and he went from being a mere street preacher to an incendiary-a Jihadist. Suddenly he was somebody.

"You (Canadians)," he wrote, "should take your example from the way Muslim women dress. Why do Muslim women who wear

long dress and covers her head aren't targeted for sex attacks?"

It was too much freedom that caused sexual assaults he said.

The Toronto Sun was outraged. Woman's groups took great umbrage. Moderate Muslims said Al-Haashim represented only a tiny portion of all Muslims.

Yes, those residing in Saudi Arabia, Egypt, Iran, Pakistan, Afghanistan, most of sub-Saharan Africa plus the millions of Muslim immigrants populating the welfare rolls in England, Holland, Belgium, Scandinavia, the Balkans, Dearborn, Michigan and the Twin Cities in MinnesotaLock up your dogs and prepare to go on a bacon-free diet. There is nothing moderate about Moderate Islam. Barack Obama said a woman has a right to wear a burqa. He did not say a woman has a right not to wear a burqa.

Many non-Muslim women wear a burqa to protect themselves from being raped by Muslim men. Not that wearing a burqa has protected Muslim women from being raped, beaten and murdered by their husbands.

And there is that thing called honor killings. UK police reported 2,823 so-called honor killings and attacks in 2010. And that is only the tip of the iceberg. There were numerous honor killings in Sweden, in Norway, in Finland. Muslim men slay their wives, their daughters, their cousins and their nieces. And there are countless honor beatings.

Ramzan Kadyrow, the Muslim President of Chechnya, said his goal is to make his country "more Islamic than the Islamists." Dozens of young Chechen women have been found dumped in alleys, woods and along deserted roads in Grozny, the capitol of Chechnya. It is worse in the hinterlands.

"If a woman runs around and a man runs around with her," Kadyrov said, "both of them should be shot." So far it is only the women that have been turning up dead. Why is this?      

In order to gain recruits for the establishment of his Grand Caliph the Prophet said Allah had given Muslim men domain over women, non-Muslims and animals. They could do with them what they wished subject to a few minor constraints in the Qur'an.

Tabari IX:113 "Treat women well for they are like domestic animals and they possess nothing themselves. Allah has made the enjoyment of their bodies lawful in the Qur'an. Qur'an 24:34 "Force not your slave-girls to whoredom (prostitution) if they desire chastity, that you may seek enjoyment of this life. But if anyone forces them, then after such compulsion, Allah is oft-forgiving."

Lawful and oft-forgiving...All non-Muslims will suffer a painful doom.

Qur'an 5:14 " From those, too, who call themselves Christians, We made a covenant but they forgot and abandoned a good part of the message that was sent them: so we estranged them, stirred up enmity and hatred among them to the Day of Doom. Soon will Allah show them the handiwork they have done."

Women...non-Muslims...

And the poor animals...pity the poor animals.

The Ayatollah Khomeini wrote extensively in his Green Book on how to dispose of an animal after having had sex with it. Sex with animals was necessary in the mature Muslim state because of the shortage of Muslim women. When Habib and Adbul came of age there was nothing for them. The women were hidden away and the non-Muslims slave-girls were the property of wealthy Sheikhs, Mullahs, and Imams. Of course, the young Muslim male could emigrate to the dar al-Harb and feast at the sexual altar of the dhimmi capitalists. (The Ayatollah was writing for the stay-at-homes and before the advent of Internet pornography)

This is not as ridiculous as it seems. A few weeks ago in Spain, an illegal Muslim immigrant turned up at hospital in Almeria for emergency treatment. He had been kicked in the face by a horse. He was covered with bruises and had a few broken bones. He had been attempting to mount the horse for a ride that would have appalled the Cisco Kid and have had George Gabby Hayes reaching for his six-shooter.

A farmer in El Ejido had caught the man twice before sneaking onto his farm for immoral purposes with Old Paint. The farmer hadn't bothered to file charges so Old Paint took justice into his own hands-make that hooves-when the rascal tried a third time. After receiving proper medical treatment the rapist was identified by the police and deported. Rape of a horse is a very serious matter. In the UK the gendarmerie has been unable to deport illegal aliens convicted of raping English women.

Moderate Muslims insist that Al-Haashim is in no way representative of the Muslim community. The Toronto Sun Times said that in justifying his beliefs the street preacher was not only immoral but was completely distorting Islam. Yet when Muslims gain control of a community it is the Al-Haashims that have the last word. There is no moderate Muslim community anywhere in the world. They can only be moderate when they make up a very tiny portion of the population.

The Qur'an says what it says.

2012-07-23

God and Bugs Bunny

God, homosexuality, aberrations, and the facts of life--

hot from the Montgomery Public School Board

 Reza Aslan

Whose God is dead? Reza Aslan's?

"Thoughtful! Careful! A gripping narrative! A literate accessible introduction to Islam! Complete with glossary and annotated bibliography! An impassioned plea for an Islamic form of democracy! A new chapter in the story of Islam!"

The book:  No god But God-The Origins, Evolutions and Future of Islam" by Reza Aslan.

The reviewer: William Grimes for The New York Times.

But wait, Grimes isn't finished. A parting shot: "A work that could easily serve as a college textbook."

A college textbook! Oh, no! Not another exercise in religion as literature the professorial KKK (Kustodians of all Kultural Knowledge) can stuff down Joe College's throat! File this one with the works of Noam Chomsky, John Esposito, Robert Jensen, Ward Churchill and Kirkpatrick Sale and hope it never sees the light of day.

Okay, but just in case it does make the college must read scene, what is the book about?

It's about religion and it's a groundbreaker. The advance PR says it's gripping; impassioned. If that is so how come the author doesn't address the great ecumenical questions of the day: Whose God is dead and how many angels can dance on the head of a pin? Walt Kelly wrestled with those great ecumenical questions and was a better person for it and so did George Costanza when he tried to join the Latvian Orthodox Church, but nothing could make George a better person though the Lord knows he tried.

After years of study Kelly discovered the secret of religion deep in the Okefenokee. "First you builds a church and then you finds a God that fits it," he wrote. It's what Mohammed did. But what did Walt Kelly know? He wasn't a man of the cloth. He liked to draw funny animals that smoked cigars, loafed around all day, and spoke in italics. But Kelly was sneaky smart.

If Reza had read Walt Kelly, if he had spent a few minutes inside the head of Pogo Possum, he would have realized that he, Reza, was his own worst enemy-in a sense, his own altered-ego-and he wouldn't have written a lot of silly things like he did in his book. For instance: "What is taking place now in the Muslim world is an internal conflict between Muslims. The West is a bystander-an unwary yet complicit casualty of the rivalry raging in Islam over who will write the next chapter in its story."

If there is a conflict raging in Islam it's like the one that raged between Martin Bormann and Heinrich Himmler to see who would succeed Das Fuhrer; like the one that raged between Robespierre and those he sent to the guillotine. It's Gog versus Magog, Godzilla versus King Kong: the Frankenstein monster versus the Wolf Man. Maybe they will destroy each other.

But "The West is a bystander" is scary stuff.  And Reza believes it.  As far as Islam is concerned the West doesn't count for anything-it never has and it never will. There is no god, but Allah and Mohammed is His Prophet. Oh, sure, the West might be full of People of the Book-Christians and Jews-but in the general scheme of things they are no more important than the slaves who picked Jeff Davis' cotton or who mended Scarlet O'Hara's pantaloons. And unless the dhimmis come to their senses and convert to Islam they might well wish they were working for Old Jeff.

Qur'an: 5:51 "Believers, take neither Jews nor Christians to be your friends."

Qur'an: 5:74 "Whoever of you seeks their friendship shall become one of their number, and God does not guide wrongdoers."

Who will save the bystanders?  Saladin? Ibrahim Hooper? John Esposito? Will it be Islam's silent majority-the thousands of Muslims that didn't celebrate in the streets after 9/11? That's right, says Reza. It will be Islam's silent majority!

Has Reza been reading the Nixon tapes? Did the ghost of John Erlichman whisper something in his ear? The silent majority-Islam's moderate silent majority! 

Reza wrote, "The fact is that the vast majority of the more than one billion Muslims in the world readily accept the fundamental principles of democracy."

If David Duke had written the exact same line about the Klan and Louis Farrakhan had scribbled out the same nonsense about the Black Muslims, and Moe had set his signature to a treatise proclaiming The Three Stooges' dedication to the principles of non-violent democracy, no one would believe them-not for a second. Should anyone believe Reza? Would Harry Truman believe Reza? Had to show Harry. Unfortunately, people who don't know any better, and many who should know better, will, for a variety of reasons, believe Mr. Aslan: some because of cowardice, some because of hatred of the United States, will lap of everything he writes.

What are the fundamental principles of democracy and where does Islam's silent majority stand in relation to them?  A short list: (A) Religion...There will be plenty of religion. .One can be a Suni, A Shia, a Sufi, or preferably, a Wahabb. There will be no force in religion. (B) Freedom (of Speech, Press and Assembly)...If Aisha or Britney don't want to wear a hijab, they can stay in the house. (C) Justice...There will be justice...above all there will be justice...with an unrestricted right of return and an end to Zionist exploitation. (D) Human Rights...There will be more Human Rights than Muhammed ever dreamed of! More than Allah ever foretold! Human Rights will drip from the trees! And every martyr will have 74 not 72 virgins waiting for him in Allah's Great Whorehouse in the Sky!

Has anybody heard this story before?

Once upon a time a smart fellow named Ralph Waldo Emerson said that if he wanted to be a good Christian he would have to leave the Church. If Reza wants to be a good Muslim he will have to leave Islam.